Bored Games
by SparksMayFly
Summary: Sherlock asks if he can take Reverend Green in for interrogation. John explains that's not how the game works.


_09:00_

The streets of London are normally occupied with the mindless bustle of busy people however on this particular morning, the roads are empty and the pavements lie abandoned. Presumably, for it is hard to tell where road begins and pavement ends when the entire city is camouflaged in a blanket of thick snow. Most people are tucked away in their snug little homes, unable to get to work and so taking the unexpected break as an opportune moment to relax and enjoy the festive season. Those hoping for a white Christmas are in luck. However in 221B Baker Street, there is a consulting detective, an ex army doctor, a detective inspector and a poncy looking man with a 'minor position in the British government' who would rather be anywhere else than in each other's company for the duration of the day.

_09:30 _

John watches a dreary man on the news babble on about the shortage of grit for the fourth time that morning. Greg is pretending to read the morning paper so he isn't included in the raging debate between Sherlock and Mycroft on whether or not Aunt Agatha married four times or five.

_09:34_

The debate has now progressed into a full on argument in which Mycroft produces photographic evidence from his wallet that conclusively proves Sherlock in fact was forced to wear a bonnet for Aunt Agatha's second wedding. John and Greg lean over to take a peek at the faded photograph which shows a chubby little boy whose bonnet is pushing down his curly locks into his big eyes, he is frowning at the camera, being held in place by a beaming child that must be Mycroft. "Aww Sherlock" is on the tip of their tongues but the answering death glare puts them back in their places.

_09:45_

Sherlock claims he is bored and begins pestering Lestrade. Lestrade is too busy trying to keep Sherlock away from his pockets to notice Mycroft watching him with a fond expression on his face.

_09:55_

Sherlock insists he is going to die of boredom and lies down on the floor with one hand across his face like a swooning maiden. John says he'll make sure to get that engraved on his gravestone.

_10:02_

As revenge for John's gravestone joke and the fact that he is conversing _politely_ with Mycroft, Sherlock goes to set up an extravagant experiment on the kitchen table. He makes sure to be as loud as possible.

_10:25_

After the third bang that comes from the kitchen, John can't control himself any longer and, with caution, goes to see what Sherlock is up to. He catches a glimpse of a blue substance fizzing on the table and turns back into the living room, he'd rather not know.

_10:50_

Mrs Hudson enters with a tray of tea that she places on the coffee table. She is pleased to see the handsome Detective Inspector and attempts to start a conversation with him. _Ooh he can break into my flat any day of the week _she thinks as he fidgets uncomfortably.

_10:52_

Mrs Hudson leaves and John takes the opportunity to comment on how fond she is of Lestrade. "Yes, she was visually undressing you" Sherlock agrees. The look on Lestrade's face is priceless.

_11:00_

Sherlock gets bored of his experiment when he doesn't get quite the results he was looking for; he stomps into his bedroom and slams the door shut.

_11:01_

John receives a text halfway through speaking to Greg; _Come to my bedroom immediately- SH_. John doesn't know how to make a good enough excuse so just mutters under his breath and barges into Sherlock's bedroom.

_11:03_

"Sherlock stop texting when I'm sitting three bloody metres away from you" he says and demands to know what Sherlock wants. Sherlock says that he has 'saved' John from the extreme perils of dull conversation and small talk. He bounds onto his bed and proposes they stay there until the snow is gone.

_11:07_

Mrs Hudson returns with a stack of board games. "If you're bored, play a board game" she says and winks at Lestrade on her way out. Mycroft wonders why she had so many board games on hand.

_11:08_

Lestrade calls for John and Sherlock to 'stop snogging' and come into the living room. John rolls his eyes and heads for the door when Sherlock says "If you leave now, I won't talk to you for a month" John exits as quickly as he can and thinks that would be a bloody miracle.

_11:09_

Sherlock is fuming

_11:25_

John is keen to play the games and starts setting up Operation.

_12:05_

Sherlock hears all three of them laughing and joking in the living room and throws a pillow at the door.

_12:08_

Sherlock doesn't manage to control himself much longer and goes to see what they're all up to under the ruse of 'getting a drink of water'

_12:09_

Sherlock abandons the 'glass of water' trick and demands to play too.

_12:23_

Operation is abandoned after the first buzz makes Lestrade jump so hard that he whacks his head on the side of a table.

_12:27_

Greg has finally stopped swearing and is now tenderly holding an ice pack to his head.

_12:30_

Mycroft suggests the game of life because it seems like the safest choice. Little does he know...

_12:32_

John, Greg and Mycroft choose to 'stay on at university'. Sherlock does not.

_12:34_

John asks Sherlock what Uni was like. Mycroft tells him that Sherlock got thrown out of Cambridge in his second year, he's about to explain _why_ when he receives the union jack cushion to his head followed by the words "say any more, and i might accidently mention The tooth fairy incident"

_12:35_

Mycroft looks horrified, Sherlock looks amused, and both John and Lestrade are positively dying to know about 'The Tooth Fairy Incident'.

_12:50_

Sherlock lands on 'get married' and reluctantly sticks another person in the _back seat_ of his car. He adds that the scenarios in The Game of life are dull, and asks if he can include some ideas of his own. John, Lestrade and Mycroft all say "absoloutely not" at _exactly_ the same time.  
>Sherlock sulks.<p>

_12:55_

Greg gets married and sticks another person in the car. Nobody comments on the fact that he sticks a man in the car.

_12:56_

Awkward silence made even more awkward when Sherlock says "I _knew_you were flirting with me that time in Norfolk"

_12:58_

Greg thinks he might have just accidently outted himself using a board game; he gives himself kudos for originality.

_13:06_

Sherlock lands on 'you have twins, a boy and a girl!' Everyone has the mental image of Sherlock as a father including Sherlock who has the most disgusted expression on his face.

_13:10_

Sherlock lands on 'get divorced' and says "sorry, my dear, I consider myself married to my work" before throwing the other person out of his car

_13:22_

Mycroft spins the plastic spinner too hard and cuts his finger.

_13:23_

Sherlock makes his brother hover his finger over a corner of the board so that a few droplets fall onto it.

_13:24_

Sherlock puts his twins in the mini pool of blood and says they were murdered.

_13:25_

Everyone looks mildly disturbed so The Game of Life is packed away and Mycroft brings Scrabble out.

_13:49_

John stares down at his tray and its pathetic ensemble of letters.  
>T X C H E Z Y T T<br>Sherlock leans over and snorts. John elbows him in the ribs.

_13:51_

Nobody notices Sherlock sneaking extra vowels into his socks.

_14:00_

John could've sworn there were more letters in the bag.

_14:15_

John catches Sherlock using Google on his blackberry "Sherlock no you can't look at your phone, that's cheating!"  
>"Not cheating John, it's called being resourceful"<p>

_14:16_

Sherlock doesn't surrender the phone. John's last resort is to use force. He rugby slides Sherlock onto the carpet, narrowly missing the fireplace. He scrambles for the phone which Sherlock promptly stuffs down his trousers.  
><em><br>__14:16_

"I've been through Afghanistan, I've survived being threatened by a psychopath, the depths of your underwear _really_ do not faze me"  
>Sherlock smirks and raises an eyebrow, he knows John wouldn't dare.<p>

_14:17_

Apparently John would dare.

_14:19_

Lestrade comes back into the living room to find Sherlock sprawled on the floor with johns hand down his trousers and Mycroft downing his whisky. He wonders how long he's been gone.

_14:25_

Lestrade can't think of any words so he joins the 'c' of 'calyx' and the't' of 'tachycardia' with an 'a' to make 'cat'. Sherlock gives him his most pitiful look, Lestrade just smiles.

_14:36_

Mycroft goes to get some glasses. Sherlock spells out an obscene message for him using the remaining letters, John quickly messes it up before he sees.

_14:42_

Sherlock puts down 'anaglyptics' and Lestrade groans.

_14:43_

Mycroft insists 'anaglyptics' is not a word. The Holmes brothers seem to have an entire conversation with raised eyebrows and pointed looks. John and Greg make a tactical retreat to the kitchen. They stock up on some more wine. (Apparently Sainsbury's had a buy one get one free offer on).

_14:57_

A loud "ow, get your fat arse off me Mycroft!" is heard, John looks at Lestrade and they both mentally decided it's probably best to stay in the kitchen.

_15:01_

Something smashes, John looks at Lestrade and they both mentally decide to run into the living room. Lestrade brings a spatula just in case.

_15:01_

Mycroft has his arms raised in surrender, his suit looks rumpled and his hair is sticking up. Sherlock is standing on top of the coffee table with his arms crossed; his hair is also sticking up.

_15:10_

There's a sullen silence broken only when Sherlock asks why Greg is holding a spatula and he replies "self defence" so everyone dissolves into fits of giggles.

_15:33_

Sherlock fails to grasp the concept of Cluedo.

_15:44_

Sherlock still fails to grasp the concept of Cluedo.

_15:50_

"Where's the logic? How can i deduce the motives of plastic pieces?"

_15:53_

There is a mad rush for the best Cluedo characters. In the end, John claims Colonel Mustard, Sherlock is Professor Plum, Mycroft has Reverend Green. Greg is left with Miss Peacock.

_15:55_

Greg sulks. John tries not to laugh.

_16:00_

Sherlock asks if he can take Reverend Green in for interrogation. John explains that's not how the game works.

_16:10_

John sees Lestrade's cards reflected in the mirror behind him. He now knows it was the lead pipe.

_16:12_

Sherlock asks for all the other characters cooperation in recreating the scene of the crime. John explains that's not how the game works. _  
><em>  
><em>16:20<em>

Sherlock wants to know if the victim is related to any of the suspects. John explains that's not how the game works.

_16:22_

Mycroft can see through John's paper due to the lamp behind him. He now knows it was the lead pipe in the kitchen. _  
><em>  
><em>16:25<em>

Lestrade can only seem to roll the numbers one or two and so never actually manages to get into any room. He sulks.

_16:27_

Sherlock is deducing which room would be most beneficial to enter; John gets out Miss Scarlet and has Colonel Mustard chat her up.  
><em><br>__16:30_

Sherlock sees Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard getting a bit too friendly in the billiard room and decides to investigate.

_16:32_

Reverend Green gets restless whilst waiting for his turn and starts dancing with Mrs White in the ballroom.

_16:34_

Sherlock thinks Mrs White has an uncanny resemblance to Mrs Hudson.  
><em><br>__16:34_

Mycroft chooses to say nothing. He is a little frightened that anything said against Mrs Hudson would result in him taking several trips out the window.

_16:43_

John sees Mycroft flinch and forces back a smile. He agrees that yes, she does have an uncanny resemblance to Mrs White.

_16:52_

The game has turned into a soap opera. Colonel Mustard is having an affair with Miss Scarlet who is engaged to Reverend Green. Professor Plum knocks over Miss White in a fit of rage and Miss Peacock seems to still be wandering around the corridors aimlessly.

_16:57_

John reveals the cards and wins the game; the truth is that it was Professor Plum in the kitchen with the lead pipe. Everyone looks at Sherlock with mock _how could you expressions_ that soon crumble when he gasps "that cannot be right!" and looks for all the world as if he has just been framed for a _real_murder.

_16:58_

Sherlock refuses to accept that he was the murderer without knowing he was the murderer.

_17:03_

Lestrade tells Sherlock it is just a game and he won't be taken into police custody.

_17:03_

Sherlock gives Lestrade the evils of a lifetime.

_17:05_

Sherlock throws Professor Plum like a toddler throwing a tantrum. John will find it a week later on top of the bookshelf.

_17:06_

John proposes they play Monopoly.  
>Sherlock proposes they burn Cluedo in the fiery depths of hell.<p>

_17:09_

In the end, Sherlock stabs the Cluedo board to the wall in a fit of rage and John wonders, not for the first time, if the consulting detective is actually five years old.

_17:10_

There is a mad scramble for the monopoly pieces; nobody wants to be left with the iron.  
>Sherlock grabs the car. John takes the dog. Mycroft, the boat. Lestrade gets the iron. He sulks.<p>

_17:13_

Mycroft swaps his piece with Lestrade's. It's worth being an iron to see him grin like that.

_17:14_

Sherlock glares at his brother. Something fishy's going on there.

_17:17_

Sherlock wants to be banker. He deals out everyone's cash.

_17:18_

Everyone double checks the amount of cash Sherlock's given them. John and Greg are short of one hundred, Mycroft of _two_ hundred. "_Must_ we be so immature, Sherlock?" Mycroft asks with a pinched expression. "We _must_" Sherlock replies, mimicking him exactly.

_17:26_

Nobody notices Sherlock slip an extra five hundred pounds into his socks.

_17:30_

John points out that there is no Baker Street on the board. Sherlock finds this utterly unacceptable and draws a square on a piece of paper, writes Baker Street in the middle, licks it and then sticks it to the board. He puts a little green house on it and a thousand pound fine for anyone that lands on it who isn't himself or John.

_17:44_

Mycroft insists on buying Pall Mall, Mayfair and Oxford Street. Sherlock refers to that area of the board as 'snotville'

_17:58_

Lestrade lands on Baker Street and loses all his money.

_18:00_

Snotville has expanded to include six hotels and thirteen houses.

_18:05_

Mycroft lands on Baker Street and by then Sherlock says the fine has risen to two thousand pounds.

_18:05_

Mycroft is saved from bankruptcy by John landing in snotville.

_18:05_

Sherlock lends John enough money to pay for the fines, Mycroft deems this as cheating to which Sherlock petulantly replies "I can do what i want, I'm the banker"

_18:10_

Monopoly is abandoned when Snotville expands until the board is basically just lots of red hotels.

_18:23_

Lestrade loses at Jenga and blames it on the fact that he has 'stubby little hands'

_18:27_

Sherlock wins at Jenga and flexes his fingers infront of everybody.

_18:30_

John thinks about what else Sherlock's fingers are good for...ahem... Chopping vegetables etc

_18:30_

Mycroft thinks about John thinking about what else Sherlock's fingers are good for. He doesn't want to know

_18:31_

Lestrade thinks about why John is blushing, Mycroft is grimacing and Sherlock is looking indescribably smug.

_18:33_

They move onto battleships. John and Sherlock on one team, Mycroft and Lestrade on the other.

_18:43_

Sherlock demands to be called captain, Mycroft raises his eyebrows "Still aspiring to be a pirate are we, Sherlock?" John thinks maybe the red wine was a bad idea.

_18:47_

Sherlock mimes two ships crashing together and exploding _with_sound effects. John thinks maybe the red wine was the best idea ever.

_18:50_

Sherlock deduces where Mycroft would put the ships and where he thinks that Sherlock thinks he would put the ships. He strategically places each ship on the board and tells Mycroft to hurry up.

_18:51_

Greg has left the strategic boat placing to Mycroft; he seems to know what he's doing.

_18:56_

Greg whispers the coordinates into Mycroft's ear. Sherlock raises an eyebrow and Mycroft fights to hide his blush.

_18:16_

After twenty minutes of not one single co-ordinate being correct, it's clear both teams are rearranging their ships to avoid being hit. They abandon the game but for some reason Sherlock is still adamant about being called captain. John doesn't object.

_19:39_

Sherlock insists he is sober enough to play and win a game of chess despite consuming more wine than everyone else put together.

_19:44_

Sherlock seizes his knights and gallops them around the chess board. He begins to neigh; John and Greg are on the floor laughing.

_19:45_

Greg videos Sherlock neighing. John swears he cannot breathe and Mycroft has tears in his eyes.

_20:03_

They play Cranium. This doesn't go according to plan. Sherlock draws a picture of Mycroft on a scrap piece of paper. It is essentially an oversized blob, a pointy nose and speechbubbles reading "i love cake" and "I'm gay for Lestrade"

_20:08_

Very awkward silence

_20:16_

Awkward silence is broken by Sherlock choking on a purple piece of play dough; luckily John is at hand and manages to save him from a frankly pathetic death. He glances at the board game and reads 'not suitable for children under the age of six', which apparently, Sherlock falls under the category of.

_20:50_

Mycroft insists that no amount of alcohol will influence him to play Twister. He is correct. It is the unexpected flexibility of DI Lestrade on the mat that influences Mycroft to play Twister.

_20:55_

Sherlock has his hands on one side of the mat, his feet on the other. He has nice view of John's crotch. John is stretched on top of Sherlock; Mycroft's arse is in his face. Lestrade torso is grazing against Mycroft's, he is about to fall.

_21:01_

Mrs Hudson walks into 221B and finds Greg on top of Mycroft. Sherlock is wrapped in what looks like a twister mat and he is wriggling around like a caterpillar. She decides it's probably for the best if she just goes back downstairs and takes a herbal soother.

_22:03_

Mycroft and Lestrade both decide it is about time they left, the snow seems to have cleared up somewhat. Lestrade sways on the spot and holds onto Mycroft for balance. He calls him a 'pretty girl' but Mycroft just pretends he didn't hear that.

_22:04_

Mycroft insists he give a lift home to Lestrade and the two disappear into the awaiting black car outside, unfortunately not before they hear Sherlock shout "Use a condom!" at them.

_07:10_

John wakes up to his head throbbing and something hot breathing on his neck. He strains to take a look and finds Sherlock, for some reason wrapped in a Twister mat, lounging over him.

_07:11_

Sherlock wakes up to see John looking at him strangely. Awkwardness ensues and Sherlock thinks it's probably best to not ask how they both ended up unconscious on the sofa.

_08:12_

Sherlock and John are called into Scotland Yard; they decided to go to keep up appearances. They are both delighted to discover upon arrival that Lestrade looks about as shit as they feel, he gives Sherlock a nervous glance which Sherlock assumes to mean he woke up in an even more compromising position. Nevertheless, he concentrates on the case in hand.

_08:20_

Sherlock and John leave Scotland Yard. Sherlock wonders why everyone is neighing at him under their breath.


End file.
